Resilience Tip - Flexible Thinking

RESILIENCE TIP Resilience is the ability to cope well with difficulties and to bounce back from setbacks. While some people are naturally more resilient than others, resiliency can also be intentionally developed. Flexible Thinking – Changing Contexts Flexible thinking is a characteristic of high-level resilience. This is the ability to consider multiple perspectives, to consider different possible understandings of a situation or problem, as well as resulting different possibilities for action. Flexible thinking gives us greater choice and so a greater sense of control, contributing to an increased sense of psychological well-being. Once again, this may initially look obvious and simple, until implementation. We humans are often quick to arrive at an understanding of a situation. Our partner does not extend their usual cheery good morning and we think, ahhh, they must still be mad that I returned late yesterday, and then assume the situation to be understood. We humans are often restless until we believe we have understood a situation. Great. Unless, there are signs that our understanding is incomplete or unhelpful, for example, detrimental frictions continuing with our partner. Now we want to push ourselves toward more flexible thinking. Maybe it is not because we were late. And, why, really, does the lateness bother them so much? And, what, really, does “late” mean to them? (Flexible thinking is particularly useful when coupled with good communication; please do not keep these fantastic questions to yourself!). Again, this seems so obvious, of course we think flexibly in such situations; until we briefly scan our memory for the myriad examples of this recurring and unresolved conflict played out in books, movies, magazine articles, and perhaps even our own lives. I suggest an increase in flexible thinking just might slow this widespread phenomenon. How do we strengthen our ability to think flexibly? One way is through “changing contexts”. Familiar surroundings and familiar behavior patterns tend to lead to familiar ways of thinking. When I was changing my orientation from a more classical form of psychotherapy to work that incorporated my coaching training, a very astute mentor coach noted an issue with what I call “body memory”. While my thoughts and goals for my work had shifted, when I sat down in a therapist-like position in my chair, the “body memory” shifted my thinking, actions, demeanor, and energy back toward my previous way of working. This mentor’s observation fortunately led to greater awareness of how I was sitting, and to the overall setting for my client meetings. It initially took conscious effort to experiment with different positions and settings, and to avoid an automatic “therapeutic posture” developed through years of training. The new ways became more natural, and, I still shake up body memory if work feels stuck or in need of something fresh. Changing contexts is one of the reasons for organizational retreats and off-site meetings, to get the team or group out of the office or usual setting, to a fresh place for fresh thinking. Still, one of my favorite examples of flexible thinking is from a three year-old who got into a tussle with her mother over the allowed number of stickers. After throwing a bit of a tantrum, she flounced off to her room, emerged a short time later with a highly unusual combination of colorful clothes, and declared to her mother, ”lookamyclothes. I put on my favorite things so I could get my happy back.” Work toward greater awareness for when flexible thinking may be called for, and playfully experiment with changing contexts to increase flexible and resilient thinking. Carolyn S. Tal, PhD Psychologist and Consultant - working with individuals, couples, and business partners 052-825-8585, carolyn@talconsulting.com (Please contact me if you would like to have these tips sent directly to your e-mail.)

RESILIENCE TIP

Resilience is the ability to cope well with difficulties and to bounce back from setbacks.

While some people are naturally more resilient than others, resiliency can also be intentionally developed.

Flexible Thinking – Changing Contexts

Flexible thinking is a characteristic of high-level resilience. This is the ability to consider multiple perspectives, to consider different possible understandings of a situation or problem, as well as resulting different possibilities for action. Flexible thinking gives us greater choice and so a greater sense of control, contributing to an increased sense of psychological well-being.

Once again, this may initially look obvious and simple, until implementation. We humans are often quick to arrive at an understanding of a situation. Our partner does not extend their usual cheery good morning and we think, ahhh, they must still be mad that I returned late yesterday, and then assume the situation to be understood. We humans are often restless until we believe we have understood a situation. Great. Unless, there are signs that our understanding is incomplete or unhelpful, for example, detrimental frictions continuing with our partner. Now we want to push ourselves toward more flexible thinking. Maybe it is not because we were late. And, why, really, does the lateness bother them so much? And, what, really, does “late” mean to them? (Flexible thinking is particularly useful when coupled with good communication; please do not keep these fantastic questions to yourself!). Again, this seems so obvious, of course we think flexibly in such situations; until we briefly scan our memory for the myriad examples of this recurring and unresolved conflict played out in books, movies, magazine articles, and perhaps even our own lives. I suggest an increase in flexible thinking just might slow this widespread phenomenon.

How do we strengthen our ability to think flexibly? One way is through “changing contexts”. Familiar surroundings and familiar behavior patterns tend to lead to familiar ways of thinking.

When I was changing my orientation from a more classical form of psychotherapy to work that incorporated my coaching training, a very astute mentor coach noted an issue with what I call “body memory”. While my thoughts and goals for my work had shifted, when I sat down in a therapist-like position in my chair, the “body memory” shifted my thinking, actions, demeanor, and energy back toward my previous way of working. This mentor’s observation fortunately led to greater awareness of how I was sitting, and to the overall setting for my client meetings. It initially took conscious effort to experiment with different positions and settings, and to avoid an automatic “therapeutic posture” developed through years of training. The new ways became more natural, and, I still shake up body memory if work feels stuck or in need of something fresh.

Changing contexts is one of the reasons for organizational retreats and off-site meetings, to get the team or group out of the office or usual setting, to a fresh place for fresh thinking.

Still, one of my favorite examples of flexible thinking is from a three year-old who got into a tussle with her mother over the allowed number of stickers. After throwing a bit of a tantrum, she flounced off to her room, emerged a short time later with a highly unusual combination of colorful clothes, and declared to her mother, ”lookamyclothes. I put on my favorite things so I could get my happy back.”

Work toward greater awareness for when flexible thinking may be called for, and playfully experiment with changing contexts to increase flexible and resilient thinking.

Carolyn S. Tal, PhD

Psychologist and Consultant - working with individuals, couples, and business partners

052-825-8585, carolyn@talconsulting.com

(Please contact me if you would like to have these tips sent directly to your e-mail.)